I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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