Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
