He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
