also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
