Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
