He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
