I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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