Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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