haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
