If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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