my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
