I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
