Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
