She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
