I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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