I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
