it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
