Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
