Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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