I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
