I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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