We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
