some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
