I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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