In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i've created a new STD.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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