Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
