I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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