I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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