sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
