Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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