if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
