Banned from zoo.
Again?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
