saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
