I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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