i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He passed out mid-signature
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
