I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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