I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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