Plan B is the new Plan A
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
