Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
