he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
