once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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