dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
