I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
