im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
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