i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
