and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
