yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
