Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
