y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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