bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
People in love make me want to vomit
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
