My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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