i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
