mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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