she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Found the puke drawer
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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